Dinner and My Day

I just got back from the date with Mike. I think he knows now where I stand considering I told him I gave another guy my number right before we sat down to eat. I feel a bit better about things now. We went to Grafton Street Restaurant and had a great meal. I had some reservations about eating dinner out- my paranoia that I am trying to overcome with eating- but then I tasted the fresh sea scallops, mushroom risotto, and herb salad and forgot my fears. I hate eating at nice restaurants though because it is all about presentation and not quantity. I am a hungry girl- I eat American proportions of healthy food. Mike is really a cheap guy so we didn't get any desert so I am actually a bit hungry. Oh well...
Abby and I had SUCH a nice day together. We talked, sat out by the river, tanned, relaxed, went out to lunch, and just had a girl day. I love having girl talk with my friends because in high school, I never really had that kind of relationship with any of my girl friends. It was great to finally have those heart to heart talks with a close girl, not just a guy.
Right now, I took over Mike's computer and I am just writing. We are all kind of just hanging out. Random thought: I am feeling kind of crappy about my body right now since I ate dinner. My arms feel fatter and I know it is all in my head, but I still feel kind of gross. This is a sign that I am still not completely over my fears and insecurities with my body, but I am happy that I did go out and eat because I had a really great time. Bah... I hate this constant pulling of my emotions. I wish I could just go out and do it without thinking twice- I feel like I am on my way but it is harder than just telling someone, "eat." I just need to remind myself of that lady I saw in the subway and remember that vision of her, the wedding ring, and that emaciated figure... gross...
Anyhow, I am also kind of just wanting to be with someone to share these nights with, someone NOT just a friend. Someone special. But I am not willing to settle because I am better than that... so I must wait and see what comes to me. Speaking of coming, on my way to dinner with Mike, this totally cute guy named Andrew came up to me and asked me for my number- quite interesting ;) I was kind of surprised, but it intrigues me. Why not? Don't I deserve a shot at something special? Yeah, I know I have some insecurities but what kind of girl doesn't.
Until tomorrow---